Currently Reading, Books

Reading Rupture: Why am I not reading?

If you ask anyone who knows me to describe what I love in one word, they would respond with, “books.” I have read my entire life. Although in the beginning I struggled with the concept, being put into the slower reading groups and reading help classes. I over came this because even though I was slower and struggled I fell in love with the way books took you to other places. In these adventures it never mattered what my world was like because I was in a whole new world (yes, that is in fact a Disney reference).

This passion grew from, the the gripping adventures of the Magic Tree House gang and the mysteries of The Boxcar Children, to the wonderful wizarding world of Harry Potter. These series shaped me into the reader I am today. They gave me the chance to step away from my world and live someone elses.

Lately, something just isn’t right and I haven’t been reading as much. But let me back it up some more first.

Why I continued to read outside of school

I know there are some people out there that read the bare minimum through out their years in school and after. They would only read the assignments needed to get a passing grade (some people didn’t even do this) but that is okay to it’s just not your thing. No harm done. However it was definitely my thing and continues to be.

Like I said previously, I was in some special reading classes through out grade school. I didn’t read the main books that kids were made to read in school. I was given easier books; ones with the meanings and plots spread out flat so you could focus more on the comprehension of the words verses the in depth meaning of a story. Which now grown up I see as a gift because I was not only able to read my assignments but I also had time to read what actually interested me.

I was able to focus on books that I found a connection to. The best part about it, I was able to take my own time with them. They may have been more challenging to get through but I took my time and finished every adventure I could.

My reading life now

I try to read as many books as I can now. Although it is still not as many as most of my fellow bibliophiles (still a slow reader), I make try my hardest to make the most out of my TBR.

As I have grown older, I find sometimes I struggle even doing the one thing I love most, reading. I find myself having reading hesitation. I don’t plan for this to happen and I still want to read, but I find myself dismissing reading the next chapter. It is never the fact that I don’t want to continue the story it is just my brain doesn’t feel like it. I hate when this happens.

Recently, it has been happening more and more. I pick up the book but then my mind just distracts me into something else. Usually in the form of social media or Netflix. I start getting frustrated with myself to the point I feel resentment to myself. Which, is absolutely silly, I know.

I just wish I could figure out what is triggering this process in my mind. I want to put an end to it. I always seem to bounce back and start binge reading once again. I just don’t understand why I get myself to that point in the first place since it is something that I truly love and has always been a true happiness in my life.

How I am going to try to fix it

I may not know they why but I know the best way to fix this problem. I just have to read. It’s just like anything else that you don’t feel fully motivated to do but you know it has to be, so you push yourself through. That is what I am going to do and here is how I am going to make that happen:

  1. I am going to read every day. Before I go to bed I am going to read at least one chapter of one of the books I am currently reading. No matter what is going on inside my head, I am going to focus enough time to read through a chapter.
  2. Set more structural goals. I always have a yearly reading challenge when it comes to my TBR. I am going to read __ amount of books this year. Well now I am going to start weekly goals. For instance the book I have been attempting to read for quite sometime now, Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo, I plan on finishing it in the next three days. I currently have 288 more pages to go and with my reading speed I feel like I can master that in there days no problem. I just have to read.
  3. Engage with others about reading. This morning I went through the books and book-review tags and read others blogs about reading. This gave me motivation that I wanted to join them in the adventures they were sharing. I am going to start off my days reading other’s posts about books to get me ready for the day, no matter what my brain is telling me.

I want to regain my reading life back and start doing the number one thing that I know makes me happy.

What books are you reading currently? What makes you happy and passionate?

Check out more about what I am currently reading and the near future of my TBR on my post Inspiration 02: Espresso && Flowers.


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